I thought to myself, “Is this what recovery is all about? Attending meetings forever, getting a sponsor, and having people dictate my life?” That didn’t appeal to me. I had dreams of getting a house, a car, getting married, having kids, and achieving greatness in life. I didn’t want to spend my life confined to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. So, I would attempt sobriety, witness others finding success in recovery, and even start working on the steps. But deep down, I believed that my intelligence and determination should be enough to achieve what I wanted. I tried this approach for years and failed.

There was a time when I went to college and convinced myself that I could control my drug use. I thought, “I’m excelling in school, getting straight A’s. As long as I prioritize my principles over my personality, I can indulge in drugs occasionally.” It started with two days a week, then grew to three, four, and five. Eventually, I lost complete control. I had to learn the hard way that whenever I used anything, I would always become a mess. I would become the kind of person that everyone who loved me couldn’t stand to be around—a person who caused pain, lied, cheated, stole, disrespected others, and left a trail of wreckage behind.

I never wanted to disappoint my family or end up in rehab. I didn’t want to be a failure. But despite my efforts, I became everything I didn’t want to be. There were moments when I seemed to have control, using drugs recreationally and functioning well, but those moments were always short-lived. Inevitably, I would lose control again, leading to a demoralizing state that I couldn’t comprehend.

Each drug had its way of temporarily fulfilling my desire for happiness, peace, serenity, joy, and enthusiasm. Heroin, for example, never disappointed me. Every time I injected it, I felt everything would be alright. I was on top of the world. But it seeped into the very fabric of my being, my subconscious, my every fiber, fueling my insatiable need to feel good. If I couldn’t find happiness in sobriety, I would find reasons to relapse—money, freedom, job dissatisfaction, loneliness, lack of a relationship. I blamed anything and everything because I was hardwired to believe that I needed more people, places, and things to feel right about who I was and the more I got, ultimately, the less I felt.

But here’s the thing: I haven’t relapsed and I don’t want to relapse because I don’t want to change the way I feel clean and sober. I feel better now than I ever have – about the person I am, the life I have, and the world I live in. And I’ve discovered that my life is extremely satisfying without drugs and alcohol. About 90% of the time, I’m genuinely content with myself. I’ve accepted my flaws and don’t feel like I need to achieve perfection to be okay. Life is find just the way it is. I’ve realized that the key to happiness is within me, not in external factors or substances. I still attend meetings, have a sponsor, and have worked the steps –  they no longer feel like a burden. They’re just part of my journey, reminding me to stay connected with others who understand my struggles and support my recovery.

Recovery is a process, and it’s different for everyone. Some find solace and success in the 12-step program, while others find their own path. My journey has been full of ups and downs, but I’ve learned that true happiness comes from within. It’s not about finding the perfect solution or achieving everything I desire; it’s about finding peace, acceptance, and contentment with who I am and where I am in life. And for the first time, I can honestly say that I am successful, not because of financial or material success because financial success does not always equal happiness. But happiness always equals success. And because of that, today, I am successful. Enjoy everyone. I hope you are able to enjoy your recovery as much as I have. Let’s get on the Hero’s Path!